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Where do I even start

My last post was 2019...  Its now 2022... almost the end of 2022.  The things that have happened between then and now...  At that time I was in a horrible relationship. I knew it too. I just settled bc "I knew this train wreck and was used to it" BOY was I an idiot. Finally in 2021... it ended. 5 years of lies, cheating, the gut wrench every time I found something new. And the things I found out after.. How could someone do those things to a person they claim to love?  Outright do those things. No mistakes, no accidents, no I'm so sorry I didn't mean it but blatant disrespect and come home and tell them they love you?! I just cant.  I have healed so much since then. Yet I have so much damage left. I worry constantly that someone is lying to me. I worry that I'm not worth the effort, or that I am too much. I worry that the self worth I felt due to those actions is true. But it's not right?  I can sit here and tell you all about me. I can sit here and tell yo...
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Mixed Emotions. 2019. Where have I been, where am I going? I know the answer to one of those. I have been to hell and back a few times. I have failed, succeeded, and just broke even. I have won some, lost some, lost big sometimes. In the end, I have always gotten back up. I have loved with all my heart, and been disregarded. I have loved and no matter how hard, it never mattered. Here I am, 2019 and I have been married and divorced once. Something I never intended to do.  Either of them. But I did.  I still struggle with those decisions. I second guess things. I forget what took me to that point. We often times, want to recall the comfort, or happy- and think we made a mistake. We tend to see  one side of the current story and think we made the wrong decision. BUT WE DIDNT. I didn't.  I was unhappy. I was not treated how I should have been. I was not in a 50/50 situation. I have to remember that. Are we ever really in a 50/50  situation though? IS th...
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